Want notes with that coffee?
All the yip-yap in response to Cam Newton’s claim that he is the first of his kind — an “athletic” quarterback — ignores many of his predecessors, including, of all folks, Peyton Manning’s dad, Archie, who was plenty athletic — often out of necessity — as a Saints QB. The old man may not have performed Superman mimes, but he did have 18 “rushing” touchdowns.
Every time the recidivist creeps — an Adam “ Pacman” Jones, Johnny Manziel — do dirt, I can hear ESPN genius-in-residence Jay Bilas explaining that even if recruited athletes don’t attend classes, they benefit from the socialization process colleges provide. First, retaining one’s eligibility to play ball while not attending classes is tantamount to fraud. The second part of Bilas’ rationalization — just hanging out on or near a college campus makes one a better person — is absurd, like placing bread next to a toaster and expecting toast.
Few shoulder a greater burden than YES’ Nets pre- and postgame and sideline reporter Sarah Kustok. In 2014, her father was sentenced to 60 years in an Illinois court for the 2010 shooting murder of his wife and Sarah’s mother. Though Sarah supported her father’s innocence at trial, her brother Zak, former Northwestern QB, did not. She must be as strong as they make ’em.
Say, if you happen to run into any fresh leads as to why and how thousands of Super Bowl XXXI tickets that were supposed to be sold to Packers fans at face value were instead sent directly to a Texas travel agency that sold expensive, tickets-included Super Bowl packages, let us know. Don’t bother telling the NFL. It didn’t care then, why would it now?
Could we stop with this “Panthers offense averaging 40 points in their two playoff games” stuff? Yes, they have a good offense, but those numbers reflect two TDs scored by linebacker Luke Kuechly, two long field goals by Graham Gano and several short TD or field goal “drives.”
Super Bowl TV Quiz: 1) The 1993 and 1994 telecasts included the same, stand-alone analyst. He never worked another Super Bowl telecast. Name him.
2) In 1992, this TV sports regular became the first and only female to conduct the Super Bowl trophy postgame presentation. (Answers at the end.)
South Carolina at Kentucky on ESPN’s SEC Network on Thursday: A South Carolina player is knocked flat and stays down, injured, as Kentucky players rush in to congratulate their teammate for flooring an opponent. And it was the South Carolina-Kentucky women’s game.
MSG’s NHL telecasts now include indiscriminately placed advertising graphics during live play. So Thursday, with the Devils pressuring the Maple Leafs late in the first period of a 1-1 game, the score and clock were replaced with, “Visit A Hyundai Dealer Today And Make This A Winning Season On The Road.” What do you think such an intrusion costs Hyundai? What it’s worth to Hyundai and to viewers in terms of car sales? Zip?
Guess Broncos linebacker Von Miller’s crotch-grabbing tackle “celebration” in the AFC Championship passed the NFL’s stink test. The NFL never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity.
This would be a good day for Phil Simms to return to what he did best — looking, thinking, weighing the situations before speaking, even if it meant saying nothing. And even if it meant admitting, “I don’t know.” We can handle, even appreciate “I don’t know.” It sure beats bad guesswork posed as expertise.
And this would be a good day for Jim Nantz to return to seeing and calling the game right there in front of him rather than recite every misleading, irrelevant context-barren stat shoved in front of him.
My long-ago Daily News competitor and traveling companion Dave Sims, now a Mariners and national radio football play-by-player, is doing well after prostate cancer surgery. Tough guy, Sims; he’s a lock.
By Tuesday, CBS will release some kind of news that Super Bowl 50 set some kind of record among some kind of demographic — self-employed male drifters, named Richard, ages 25-39 — for Super Bowl viewership. The news will be shaped to have us believe that we watched the game because it was on CBS, as opposed to, say, NBC.
I see Devin Funchess in our immediate future! Listen, if we know it — the Broncos must close the Cam Newton-to-tight end Greg Olsen first-down conga line — the Broncos and Panthers know it. So think tall with good hands — rookie receiver Funchess is 6-foot-5, 235 pounds; second-year sub Brenton Bersin is 6-foot-3 — as Newton’s 5- to 15-yard pass targets if Olsen gets the blanket. Funchess. Today. Got it?
Memo to Golf Channel field reporters: Stop prefacing questions with “How important is it …?” If it weren’t important, you wouldn’t be asking!
PBS’ “NewsHour” last week reported findings that 91 percent of DraftKings and FanDuel MLB pools are won by just 1.3 percent of its players. Rob Manfred and Roger Goodell are right: It’s not gambling, it’s sucker-betting!
Trivia Answers: 1) Bob Trumpy, who worked both NBC telecasts with Dick Enberg. NBC “won” a sealed bid process allowing it to televise two straight Super Bowls. 2) Lesley Visser, while with CBS.
Goodbye, Bob. Miss you and Ray
Please indulge this self-indulgence, but one of my lifetime favorites, Bob Elliott, from the radio comedy/satire/farce show “Bob and Ray,” died last week at his home in Maine. He was 92. Ray Goulding died in 1990.
Bob and Ray, New Englanders working for CBS out of Manhattan, always kept a winking eye on local sports. Their interviews with imaginary tragic athletes and coaches — “Budgetary restrictions,” Bob explained, “limits us to sports figures who have had it” — were and remain hysterical. More than 100 of their radio shows, as preserved on tapes, are highly recommended — if you can get past the clean humor.
Bob, during a show, mentioned that Milton Gross, New York Post sports columnist throughout the 1950s, will be on to discuss his new golf book. Its title, he deadpanned, is “18 Holes In My Head.”
Ray, though he lived much of his life on Long Island, remained a Red Sox fan. He claimed his autopsy would read: “Cause of death: Boston Red Sox.”
I’ve a cherished keepsake, a 2013 letter sent to me from Elliott’s Harpswell, Maine, home on “Elliott’s behalf” from one of his most memorable characters, bumbling roving radio reporter and “winner of seven diction awards,” Wally Ballou.
They were comedic word magicians. In an Old West skit, after awaiting the doctor’s arrival, Ray: “I look through the window to see the doctor’s buggy.” Bob: “He is?”
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